


Words I Can't Say

by orphan_account



Series: Summer, Salt, and Secrets [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: HhhHhhHhHhH, M/M, bcos im about to write one, i hope ur ready for a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-10
Packaged: 2018-03-21 17:13:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3700505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Iwaizumi thinks everything will be fine.</p>
<p>AKA Dinner party feat phone call with the potential beautiful bf and some genuine emotion from the world's best unofficial actor.</p>
<p>Continuation of parts 1 & 2</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Calm Before the Storm

**Author's Note:**

> *throws leg up in the air*  
> hello im back from my hell hole now im going to dig another one and lie in it.  
> plus i missed iwaoi day *sad horn noises*  
> also im in love live hell but its a score match so its ok i guess  
> enjoy...

        Dinner with Iwaizumi and Oikawa's family flows relatively smoothly. They ask how their trip was, how Tooru liked the beach, how Hajime's been doing, and continue to make small talk about the neighborhood gossip that's been circulating recently. It seems like it's business as usual, but Iwaizumi still feels like he's walking on eggshells. Oikawa has a smile plastered on his face, but it seems more strained than ever. He can't help but worry about what's changed for the taller boy to look so uncomfortable in a place he could call his second home. Iwaizumi quietly continues to eat, lost in his thoughts when he feels his phone buzz. He puts his chopsticks down as he pulls his phone out of his pocket with his other hand. His face flushes as he reads the name flashing on the screen.

**_A. Kei_ ** _calling_

_Slide to answer_

He clears his throat and politely excuses himself to take the call. Iwaizumi swipes his finger across the screen as he walks into the living room, phone already at his ear.

He doesn't notice Oikawa's face fall as he leaves.

 

 

"Keiji, what's up? You usually don't call. Did something happen?" Iwaizumi questions. He can hear Akaashi laugh quietly on the other end of the line. "I can't call to see how you're doing?" Iwaizumi huffs as a blush spreads across his cheeks. "I just saw you Keiji. Don't tell me you miss me already?" Akaashi laughs louder this time, bright and honest, making Iwaizumi smile at the sound. Talking to the other always puts him at ease, despite the feeling of butterflies in his stomach, and he leans against doorframe near his room.

They continue to talk and tease each other, laughing at the lame shoujo worthy lines they recite to each other, until Iwaizumi's mother calls him from the dinning room. "Ah," Akaashi starts. "I suppose I've kept you from your family for too long." Iwaizumi scoffs at the apologetic tone. "Don't worry too much about it. She just wants me to wash the dishes." Keiji snickers at Iwaizumi who sighs in response. "Go help your mom, Hajime-kun. We can always talk tomorrow." Iwaizumi grins even though he knows the other can't see him. "Yeah. I guess I'll call you tomorrow then." He can hear Akaashi breathe quietly into the receiver. "Okay. Bye, Hajime-kun." Iwaizumi feels his chest contract slightly as he almost whispers his own goodbye before Akaashi ends the call, leaving Hajime feeling breathless. He slides his phone back into his pocket and heads for the kitchen to face his mother and the pile of dishes waiting for him.

 

 

        Oikawa is sitting on the kitchen counter, kicking his long legs up in the air as Iwaizumi walks in and heads for the sink. "Iwa-chan, I thought you'd never come back! You took so long on the phone!" Oikawa pouts at him, legs swinging and Iwaizumi smacks one of them down. "Get off of the counter. My mother cooks there." The setter huffs but slides off of the granite anyway and sidles up to Iwaizumi against the sink. "Were you talking to a girl, Iwa-chan? Did you get a girlfriend while I was gone?" Oikawa puts a hand to his mouth dramatically, looking scandalized at the thought. Iwaizumi scowls and elbows him in the side sharply as Oikawa grunts lightly. "How mean! I hope you don't treat your girlfriend so roughly, Iwa-chan! Girls should be handled with care, you know," he scolds, leaning against the counter. Iwaizumi narrows his eyes at him slightly. "What would you know about dating, Trashkawa? You've never been on a date in your life." Oikawa squawks indignantly as Iwaizumi turns on the sink and starts to wash the dirty dishes. "That's not important! Plenty of girls like me. You should be asking me for advice on these things! I give good tips!" Iwaizumi snorts as Oikawa flips his hair. "The last time you gave someone 'good' advice, Hanamaki and Matsukawa got Kunimi drunk and almost arrested." Oikawa waves a hand dismissively. "That was different. That wasn't about dating," he replies. He wrinkles his nose slightly before turning toward Iwaizumi again. "Also don't remind them of that." Iwaizumi snickers at the thought of Oikawa at the mercy of their teammates whose idea of revenge usually ends up with someone in extremely embarrassing circumstances. He fantasizes about the two of them (and possibly Kunimi) luring Oikawa into some trap that involves humbling their setter immensely, and loses himself in the monotony of washing the dishes. Oikawa continues to ramble about his matchmaking abilities and how Iwaizumi should follow his example, and he tunes him out.

 

"Hey Iwa-chan, you'd tell me if you ever got a girlfriend right?"

Iwaizumi's hands freeze in the soapy water and he tries not to seem thrown by the question. He forces out a laugh as he starts to rinse the dishes. "Of course I'd tell you. We're best friends right?" Oikawa's hands twitch from where they're resting on the counter. "Yeah. Best friends. Of course." Iwaizumi glances at him from the corner of his eye but Oikawa is facing away from him.

The silence drags on as Iwaizumi finishes washing up the last of the dishes and Oikawa waits quietly. The silence is mildly unnerving but not entirely uncomfortable. Oikawa is prone to bouts of silence, but they usually only occur when he's thinking about something. Iwaizumi decides to leave him to his thoughts.

 

Oikawa helps him put away the dry dishes in the cabinet and Iwaizumi is grateful. (Mostly because Oikawa can reach the higher shelves more easily, but Iwaizumi will never admit to that.) Even off the court, they are just as synchronized; Iwaizumi dries the dishes and Oikawa puts them away. They've been doing this same routine since they were old enough to be trusted with handling glass and they have yet to break one. But there's always a first time for everything.

It happens that day.

Iwaizumi holds out one of his mother's older crystal wine goblets and Oikawa reaches to grab it. Their fingers brush and Iwaizumi doesn't know who pulled back first, but the touch sends sparks up his arm and he barely registers the sound of the glass shattering on the ground. Oikawa stares at the ground in shock before dropping to his knees and picking up the glass. Iwaizumi blinks before kneeling next to him to pick up the remains himself. "Iwa-chan you shouldn't touch the glass. You could accidentally cut yourself." Iwaizumi looks up at him and frowns. "Don't be stupid. Your hands are more important than mine idiot." Oikawa stills as Iwaizumi gently takes the shards from his hands and continues to clean up the glass. Iwaizumi carefully sweeps up the leftover mess as Oikawa watches him, unmoving. Iwaizumi is throwing the debris away when he feels a piece of the goblet slice across his skin. "Shit." He turns toward the sink to rinse off the cut and runs straight into Oikawa. He grabs Iwaizumi's hand and half drags him toward the faucet and pulls his hand under the running water. "What the hell, Oikawa? It's just a cut," Iwaizumi complains. Oikawa's grip on his wrist tightens slightly. "Your hands are just as important, Iwa-chan." His lips are pulled in a tight smile and Iwaizumi doesn't try to argue. He knows when to push and now is not the time. The setter seems genuinely upset about Iwaizumi's cut, so he just lets Oikawa tend to his injury.

Oikawa studiously cleans and dresses Iwaizumi's cut like it's a mortal wound, wrapping bandaging tape over it multiple times, prompting the older boy to smack Oikawa's hands away from him. "I'm fine, Asskawa. It's not a serious cut. Stop treating me like I'm a patient in ICU." Oikawa stiffens before brightly smiling at him. "Are you saying you think I'd make a good doctor, Iwa-chan?" Iwaizumi snorts at the idea of the setter in a lab coat and shakes his head. "I wouldn't trust you if you were my doctor, Shittykawa. You'd be more of a risk factor than anything." Oikawa pouts at him. "How cruel, Iwa-chan! And here I thought you said we were best friends. What kind of heartless person says that to their oldest friend?" Iwaizumi barks out a laugh. Oikawa childishly sticks out his tongue before his eyes widen and he takes on a scandalized look. "Wait, Iwa-chan, are you saying you'd rather see me as a nurse?" He puts his hands on his cheeks as he pretends to act coy. "I never thought Iwa-chan would be into roleplay. How scandalous! What would your mother say?" Iwaizumi glares at him before punching his arm harshly. "Who would ever want to see you dressed as a nurse, idiot!" 

They continue their banter as they put away the rest of the dishes, the tense mood from earlier completely gone, and soon enough Oikawa's father pokes his head in to let him know they're leaving soon. Oikawa says his goodbyes to Iwaizumi's parents and Iwaizumi walks him to the door. "Iwa-chan you know I'd be willing to play nurse with you whenever you want, right? I promise I won't tell anyone." Iwaizumi smacks him again as Oikawa winks at him teasingly. "Shut up, Trashkawa," he grumbles. Oikawa grins back at him. "But Iwa-chan, we've already got the domesticity act down one hundred percent! We just need to spice up our bedroom life with the nurse outfit and we're set for marriage. My mother will be so proud." "GO HOME OIKAWA." Oikawa laughs as he walks down the front steps.

"Don't worry! I'll be your bride if you don't get a girlfriend, Iwa-chan!"

"SHUT UP!"

 

 

 

Iwaizumi sighs to himself as he heads up to his room. Usually dealing with Oikawa doesn't take this much out of him, but it's been a long day. His date with Keiji was already intruded on by Karasuno's oddball duo and then cut short by his mother. He yawns as he walks into his room and shuts the door. He could really do with a good night's sleep. Iwaizumi barely takes time to change clothes and brush his teeth before flopping down on his bed.

_I'll just shower in the morning._

He smushes his face into his pillow as he squirms around to get comfortable before shutting his eyes and hoping he just passes out. It only takes a few minutes before Iwaizumi is completely knocked out. But unfortunately sleep doesn't let him rest easy. Rather than letting him submit to blissful mindlessness, he dreams.

Iwaizumi hates dreams.


	2. Dry Mouth, Cold Sweat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Iwaizumi begins to realize things might not be fine.
> 
> AKA Sweet dreams don't exist for some people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all of your kind words!  
> this chapter may have some mildly unsettling content...  
> if drowning or suffocation triggers you don't read this ch ok  
> im not tagging it bcos this is the only time ill write anything like this in the story...  
> also i wrote this at like 3 in the morning so i apologize in advance for errors

        It starts like this.

 

Iwaizumi passes out on his bed, gross and sweaty from spending time at the gym with his _boyfriend_ (he blushes every time he even thinks the word), and mentally drained from dealing with Oikawa. He lies face down, enjoying the coolness of his sheets and the nice breeze coming through his slightly opened window. He doesn't know how long he sleeps for until his bladder decides it requires attention. So, naturally, Hajime picks himself off the bed and opens the door to his bathroom only to find sand.

Miles and miles of sand.

He cautiously steps through the doorway and is blinded by the sun shining on his face. Iwaizumi blinks a few times to regain his eyesight and realizes that a group of people are having a beach party close by. For a second he wonders they they think his bathroom is a good location for anything, but he dismisses the idea as quickly as it comes. A few of the attendees look familiar, so he starts walking toward them. The first person he recognizes, is Nekoma's captain. Kuroo spots him walking toward the gathering and smirks at him, small and mischievous, and it gives Iwaizumi pause. There's nothing out of the ordinary about the middle blocker's behavior, but something seems off. Still, he marches up toward the guy anyway. "Iwaizumi, how nice of you to finally show up! We thought you'd never make it," he grins, smacking him on the shoulder. Hajime wrinkles his eyebrows in confusion, but nods anyway. "I didn't realize you guys had been waiting on me." Another voice comes from behind him and he turns to see another familiar face. "Of course we were waiting for you, Iwaizumi-san. You're very important here," Sawamura answers. His smile is calm and reassuring, almost a complete contrast to Kuroo's. Sawamura squeezes his other shoulder in greeting and pats his arm. "Everyone's been waiting for you." Iwaizumi's eyebrows go up questioningly as the two captains speak together. "You're the guest of honor."

Hajime is suddenly being pushed towards the crowd by both of them, and soon enough the number of people lessens as they get toward the center. He doesn't recognize anyone he moves past, colors blurring as he tries to catch a glimpse of a familiar face. For some reason it should bother him that no one else seems to have any defining characteristics, but he doesn't even dwell on the fact. By the time they he is the middle of the gathering, a small circle has formed around him. Iwaizumi looks at the crowd in confusion, but the people turn away as soon as he faces them. No one acknowledges the small space that has formed around him. Hajime is starting to become concerned until he feels someone squeeze his hand reassuringly. He whips his head to the side to see Sawamura holding his hand. "Don't worry about the rest of them. You'll do fine." Iwaizumi looks at his calm and knowing face and nods slowly. It strikes him a bit odd that Karasuno's captain is holding his hand, but then he realizes his other hand is occupied as well. "Yeah, don't be such a worry wart! You'll get old and boring. Who cares about them anyway?" Kuroo snickers down at him as he swings his and Iwaizumi's hands back and forth. Sawamura frowns at him in disapproval. "You're too overzealous, Kuroo. Taking too many chances is risky. You'll end up in trouble someday." Kuroo sticks his tongue out rudely. "Don't be such a mood killer. Just because you like to live a tedious life without excitement doesn't mean the rest of us should!" Sawamura's grip tightens considerably. "I like to be safe. I'm not the one at risk of dying a quick and stupid death." Kuroo's smirk turns into a sneer. "I like to have fun. At least I won't die a slow and uninteresting death." They both glare at each other and Iwaizumi decides he needs to get out of here as quickly as possible. He pries his hands away from them, but neither reacts to him. They stand in silence, faces still frozen in malice, and Iwaizumi turns around to walk through the crowd. The people in the crowd clear a path for him, but no one even looks at him. He eventually reaches open area and sees a dog barking happily in the distance. There are two people farther along, one sitting in the sand as the other stands in the water, and Hajime makes his way toward them. The dog trots along side him, and he smiles down at it. He always wanted a dog when he was younger, but his parents couldn't afford to pay for school and volleyball if they had a pet, so Iwaizumi resigned himself to a life without one. As they make they're way closer, Hajime sees two people he never would have imagined would spend time with each other.

        Akaashi is laid out on a towel across the sand, umbrella shading him from the sun's rays as he reads a novel sitting in his lap. He can see a small smear of sunscreen across his nose, and even though Keiji isn't even in the sun, Iwaizumi isn't surprised that he would take precautions anyway. A few yards away, Oikawa is frolicking in the water, yelling out complaints about how cold it is, even as he continues to duck his head under the water enthusiastically. He calls out to Akaashi to come and join him, but the younger setter just shakes his head and tries to ask Oikawa to come sit with him for a bit. The scene is so surreal that Iwaizumi doesn't even realizes he's stopped walking until the dog licks his leg and nudges him with his head. Iwaizumi jumps slightly in surprise and the dog barks at him, causing both of the setters to turn toward him. "Iwa-chan!" Oikawa yells. "How nice of you to join us! Come play with me in the water!" Iwaizumi just waves and Akaashi smiles brightly at him. "Hajime-kun, we've been waiting for you. You should sit down for a bit and take a break from the sun." He nods but he doesn't move from where he's standing. "C'mon, Iwa-chan! The water will cool you down! You can take a break later! Come play with me!" Oikawa demands. Akaashi tuts quietly. "You might get sick if you stay in the cold water for too long. It's better to rest here in the shade. You can sit where ever you'd like." Iwaizumi doesn't respond to either of their requests. The dog sits in front of him, almost on top of his feet, looking up at him expectantly. He opens his mouth to tell them he's gonna play with the dog instead, when the ground seems to shift underneath him. Startled, the dog darts off, and before Iwaizumi can begin to chase after it, both of the setters start screaming. Oikawa has gone too far into the ocean, and the waves have become large and choppy, pushing him further into the water. Hajime turns to tell Akaashi to get help, but Oikawa isn't the only one in trouble. The sand around Akaashi is slowly pulling him down like quicksand, and he struggles to keep his head and arms from going under. They both scream in terror as they continue to sink down, and Iwaizumi can hear Oikawa choking on the water as he struggles to swim while Akaashi coughs on the sand starting to cover his face. They reach out toward him, eyes wide and terrified, but he can't move. He knows he needs to do something. He's the only one around, but he can only help one of them. He can't let them die.

But he also can't choose between them.

He tries to move but the world around him explodes in light, harsh and bright, and it feels like his skin is bubbling and melting and he wants to yell but it feels like there's cotton in his mouth and he can't see, he can't move, he can't breathe, and-

It stops. His vision slowly clears, but there's nothing around him. It's dark and empty, and Iwaizumi feels dread climbing under his skin because he couldn't help either of them and he needs to know what happened. He turns to look behind him and his despair increases as he sees the two setters standing behind him.

But neither of them are Oikawa or Akaashi.

They both stare at him, and Iwaizumi feels ice cold at the looks on their faces. 

Kageyama's face is contorted in pure fury, body stiff with barely contained rage causing his fists to shake. Kenma stands next to him, unsteady on his feet with his face distorted in grief. The youngest of the three is the first to break the silence.

"You let them die," he spits out. "Oikawa-san trusted you and you let him die. What kind of friend are you? You have no right to anything," he sneers. Iwaizumi's knees feel weak and his stomach feels like the ground has been yanked from beneath him. He breathes in sharply through his nose, but the air burns his lungs, it's too painful, and his eyes flicker toward the other setter but he isn't prepared for what he sees.

Kenma's eyes are wide and horrified, and tears start to run down his face as he gapes at Iwaizumi. "You killed them," he whispers. Iwaizumi flinches at the words, spoken so softly but somehow harsher than Kageyama's. The skin around his eyes is red and tight, and his hands are balled into fists. "You killed both of them." He sobs brokenly. "Akaashi trusted you and now he's dead. What kind of person are you?" Kenma's voice wavers as another sob wracks through his body, and Iwaizumi wants to tell them he couldn't do anything, but his body won't listen, and he falls to his knees because maybe they're right. He let them die, they trusted him but he couldn't even do anything for them. If he could change what happened he would. Pain shoots through his body, and Iwaizumi gasps as he falls forward, forehead against the ground as he clutches at his chest. He looks up at the younger setters, face filled with regret. "I would do anything to bring them back," he murmurs. They glare down at him in disgust, and this time, it's Kenma who speaks first.

"Then take responsibility for your actions," he hisses. 

Iwaizumi's body jerks at hatred he sees in the blond setter's eyes, and both he and Kageyama push him down as the floor swallows him up, and he can't breathe and his lungs burn at the lack of oxygen, but maybe he deserves this for being unable to help either of them and-

 

Iwaizumi's body seizes as he wakes up from his nightmare, mouth dry and body drenched in a cold sweat. He can hear himself panting harshly, and he adjusts himself so his feet are firmly planted on the ground before sticking his head between his knees. "It was just a dream," he mumbles. "Don't be stupid, Hajime. It wasn't real. None of it happened." He gives himself a few more moments before sitting up and looking out the window.

The moon is still up in the sky which means Iwaizumi doesn't have to worry about trying to compose himself just yet. The dream scares him more than he cares to admit, because Akaashi and Oikawa are both very important to him, albeit in slightly different ways, and he does not think he could bear to lose either one of them.

 

        He stares out of his window for what could be minutes or hours, before quietly heading into the bathroom to take a sleeping pill or two so he can sleep through the rest of the night. He doesn't care much for interpreting dreams, but he's not stupid enough to pretend it didn't mean anything either.

Iwaizumi clambers back in bed, and closes his eyes. He's too tired to try to decipher anything right now, so he decides to wait until the sun is up at least.

Mildly satisfied with his plan, he drifts off to sleep once more.

 

There are no more dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *lays down on the ground*  
> i cant believe i did that to my fave im so sorry  
> iwaizumi is a gemini though so hes bound to have some issues with being at least a little two faced lmao  
> ill probably see you guys next week after i finish my paper......ha ha.......  
> thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> i didnt think id like the new exo album but its p good i guess  
> as usual let me know if u want to see specific characters ok  
> thanks for reading


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